Artist: Jasmin Hepburn
Title: In Judgement Mode

All of us have been judgmental at some point in our lives. We look at the actions and behaviors of others, and our mind gets into gear drawing conclusions about the person. We often look at others’ physical appearance, skin color, way of dress, in addition to their actions and conclude that the person is selfish, arrogant, mean, annoying, self-serving…and the list goes on. Most times the list is negative and is based either on our or someone else’s experiences with people who have similar traits.

How many of us like to be judged negatively and unfairly? No one. I believe that even the people who pretend not to care about how others perceive them would feel differently if they were showered with words and gestures of kindness, appreciation, love, and compassion. Those are experiences that every human being thrives on. That may explain why we try to make a good impression on someone we are attracted to; at a job interview; or at an event where we stand to gain something.

What happens, however, when we see others behaving in ways that go against what we believe? Do we allow them the freedom to be who they are without imposing our values on them or do we immediately jump into judgment mode? If we were to be honest, we would admit that sometimes we tend to become impatient, intolerant, and unforgiving toward others; and we sometimes sentence them to X punishment. At times we get on our horse and announce to the world that we would never do some of the things that others do. But don’t we all do things that at least one person in the universe would judge us for?

That leads me to wonder how possible it is to be non-judgmental. I believe it is; but it takes practice and a willingness to get off our judgment seat and try to understand another person’s point of view and motivations. I have a friend who does that very well. I’m not even sure that his intention is to help me to be less judgmental, but he has a way of bringing me back to a place of curiosity when my comment conveys (unconscious) judgment at times. He would say, for example, “You never know what was happening when…” or “who knows what her experiences were at that time…,” reminding me that each person has a reason for doing what they do; and it is not my place to cast judgment on others, because I have not walked a mile in their shoes.

I believe that one of the ways we can learn to release all judgment is by practicing self-compassion. We judge ourselves mercilessly at times; and as the saying goes, you can’t give what you don’t have. We cannot be non-judgmental of others if we have not learned to do so with ourselves. So being kind and compassionate to ourselves first will help us to do the same to others. And guess what? The other saying “what goes around, comes around” will become a reality in our lives. Because as we release all judgment of others, others will do the same to us.

That very thought can cause a burden to be lifted off one’s shoulders.

Today’s thought: Be willing to give others the benefit of the doubt.